Let the Adventure Start... Again.

                

 I am 40. Oh my gosh, I just can't believe that. Early on in my life, I have been known to keep my real age from people. I stopped aging when I was 28. However, at this point in my life, telling people I am 30 would make me a con man because my grey hair and forehead wrinkles would easily give me away. 

       Where have I been hiding all these years? Well, life happened. I am now a school principal. Well, how about that, huh? After years of ranting about how I wanted to leave everything behind and just go to New Zealand and milk cows for the rest of my sordid life, here I am, a school principal who stresses how to raise funds for my poor, poor school. Don't get me wrong. I know I sound so ungrateful, but I really am not. This profession has always brought me so much joy and on the sides so much integrity and accolades. I willingly succumbed to giving myself to people. When one dives into some sort of passion, one tends to sacrifice things that mattered to him as a dreamer. 

     I gave up on a lot of my dreams- singing, acting, writing, painting. Out of all the things I loved doing, I gave up writing. Secretly, not a lot of people know that I have kept two (2) online diaries. Unfortunately, I lost access to those two online storages of stories I wrote which I truly believe, I can never replicate since the feelings whilst writing them have long gone. What's funny about profound emotions is that they cannot be relived. At least I know I can't. 

      I satisfied myself by implanting in my psyche a life of pretense and delusions. To be fair, I think humans love delusions. We have agreed to integrate into our ways of life mass delusion thinking what we do really matters and that we are the good guys when in reality we are the villains. We are the villains of this earth and the villains of our own stories. 

       Just reviewing half of this entry, I realized I used 'I' a whole lot especially to open a paragraph. Just like almost 97% of the population, I am self-entitled. The good thing I guess is that I am aware of it. This superego has been my personal demon for years. I used it against my friends, my neighbors, my colleagues, and sometimes even against God. I used it to feign a self-sacrificing persona when in reality, it is my self, wanting fulfillment that I have been feeding. 

        I don't know what happened but in my treading of the common road of life, I became a National Speaker. I did it. Still, I feel like an impostor, a conman who got away. I did not finish my graduate studies which is one of the criticisms my enemies have against me. It is the same hammer I use to knock my head so hard to tell myself I am nothing but a worthless creature. People have always respected me. I know why. I am darn intelligent. I relish and take pride in my intellect. However, I am still a conman who hides behind my intellect to make a mark in this world. What is intellect in the first place?

        Now let me go back to my being 40. Think about it. I have already spent more than half of human life expectancy with my life plan only getting me as far as it can get me. I have given my life to improving other people's lives it's about time I improve mine. 

        I want to go back to where I left my love for writing. My gosh, I am going to love myself even more. I am going to color my hair grey or white. I am going to make skincare my priority. If I rose above financial debts, I would travel with my wife. In fact, I would go to New Zealand and milk cows. 

        According to Elon Musk, in our lives, we must surpass the great filters to achieve our fullest potential. Great filters are the barricades that impede us from reaching our life goals. Procrastination, ego, self-entitlement, and even financial issues can serve as great filters. Sometimes, running away from our real selves could be that great impediment. 

        I am done running away. I have been diabetic for almost 10 years now. The doctor gave me 30 years when I was first diagnosed before real complications would take me down. Death is one reality unknown to us all. However, we will all get our own time to confront it eye-to-eye. No matter how diverse humans are, we will all succumb to death. That is why, if my calculations are correct, I only have 20 years to catch up for the lost opportunities, chances, and adventures. By the time I am 60, I will be living my life in a homecare facility waiting for an old friend to fetch me--death. 

        Before my time ends, I am going to start this adventure again. As the captain of my own universe, I now formally announce the opening of this adventure of a lifetime. Friends, Romans, and countrymen let the adventure start... again!

                Buckle up. It is going to be a bumpy ride.